Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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