She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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