I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
