Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
