I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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