there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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