sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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