My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
