Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
