mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
