is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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