Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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