So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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