i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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