Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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