Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
