I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
