i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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