We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
