My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
