im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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