I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
