Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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