Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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