Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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