I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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