Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
