I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
