I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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