He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
