She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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