just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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