hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
