I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
