My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
