One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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