you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
