fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
