i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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