Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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