Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
