So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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