Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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