Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
