Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
