hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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