It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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