No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
