She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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