Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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