I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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