I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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