If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
