Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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